‘But just because women today work side by side with men, and men participate more in raising their children, it doesn’t mean men and women are the same.’ ‘Yes, the world has changed dramatically, with significant implications for our relationships,’ says Gray. Today’s woman might be rather more interested in detailing exactly what she needs from him before he withers away on his vine of self-pity.Īnd in the intervening decades surely everything has moved on for both sexes, in terms of careers, families, personal growth and goals? ‘Not to be needed is a slow death for a man,’ he wrote solemnly back in 1992. But are its pithy observations about the sexes still relevant today? Remarkably, three decades have passed since Men Are From Mars first hit the bookshops. There were even themed couples’ breaks, a television sitcom and an off-Broadway show. There were Mars/Venus seminars, audiotapes and best-selling videos. The American author became a multi-millionaire and a fixture on the talk show circuit, appearing on Oprah 18 times. Men Are From Mars catapulted Gray to self-help superstardom. Gray says he knows how men’s minds work and credits his second wife, Bonnie, with helping him understand women’s minds The book, the strategies, the mindset that humans are little more than misguided puppies who could be house-trained in more supportive ways, may have been a bit bonkers - certainly, the critics called it sexist and patronising - but the public could not get enough of the plain-speaking homilies and interplanetary advice, even if it was dished out by a man whose first marriage only lasted two years. Is it too Venusian of me to suggest that is probably because they are? Yes, John Gray would say, because ‘men are motivated when they feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished’. And also for understanding that every man needs time alone in his man ‘cave’, perhaps to watch sports or whatever it is they do in there.Īnother strategy, especially important at this time of year, found women trying their best not to come down with what Gray calls Resentment Flu an all-consuming sickness, imaginary or otherwise, that befalls females when they feel they’re the only one doing all the chores and holding the household together.

Meanwhile, the woman gets her points for somehow managing not to say ‘I told you so’ when the man makes a mistake. Then there was the celebrated Point Scoring system, where the man gets points for hugs, washing the dishes and putting the toilet seat down (well done, darling).

Mars and venus john gray